Praise is good for you in more ways than one, and you don’t have to take our word for it, it’s scientifically proven. Compliments induce pleasure, kickstarting dopamine production that leads to feelings of gratification. Praise can also harmonise and strengthen your relationship, helping you to build trust and feel more comfortable with one another. When someone strokes your ego and tells you how fabulous you are, you’re going to feel good about yourself. It’s little wonder that praise kink is so popular!
You might be surprised to learn that praise kink doesn’t just benefit the person receiving the plaudits, it’s also advantageous to the person dishing out the niceties. If you’re offering praise you’re providing pleasure, increasing happiness, and reinforcing desired behaviour. Your partner is more likely to dress up, have fun and get raunchy especially if they know how much you like it and that you make them feel good about what they’re doing.
Receiving compliments may feel a bit strange at first, but embracing positive affirmations can heighten happiness, so why not accept those wonderful words?
What is Praise Kink?
BDSM is typically linked to discipline, impact, and bondage, but there’s more to kink than the thwack of a riding crop across bare buttocks. Being bad is certainly fun, but being good can be just as thrilling, and it allows you to delve into the gratifying world of praise kink. If you love compliments, praise kink could be right up your alley. This particular kink involves deriving satisfaction from giving or receiving positive affirmations, glowing feedback, and praise during day-to-day life, play, and sex.
Praise Kink Vs Compliments
Compliments are always welcome, be it a commendation for your hard work, a nod to your new hairstyle, or a standing ovation for the fantastic blow job you’ve just provided. Approval fills us with joy, especially when it’s delivered by a special someone. For fans of praise kink, the sense of pride is joined by another feeling - sexual arousal. When it comes to praise kink, compliments not only provide gratification they’re also a massive turn-on.
Popular Praise Kink Phrases
Positive reinforcement can be given in a variety of ways, if you’re new to the world of praise kink you might not be sure where to start. Thankfully, there are a couple of common phrases that work well for all occasions e.g. “You’re such a good girl / boy,” and “I’m so proud of you,” are encouraging on all levels. You can also tailor your phrases to fit the situation.
We’ve touched on telling your partner that they are a “good girl/boy.” This phrase works particularly well if you share a total power exchange (TPE) or Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship. Praising your submissive can bring you closer and reinforce your roles. Other ways to praise behaviour include “You really know just how to turn me on,” and “That's right, keep going, just like that."
Delight and arouse your other half by highlighting their good points and assets. This is a good way to vanquish insecurities and build body confidence. Phrases such as “Bend over and show me your cute ass",” “Your ass looks amazing in those jeans,” and “Your lips are so kissable,” will make your partner feel like a million dollars.
Pleased with the way your partner is going about things? Tell them how well they’re doing by uttering phrases such as "You can really take a spanking, I like that," and “The sounds you make are so hot.” Praising their performance will motivate your partner to continue on the same path.
Praising sexual prowess
When praise acts as a turn-on, accolades in the bedroom can take sex from run-of-the-mill to remarkable. Telling your partner how much you fancy them and want them will give them one hell of a boost. Try “I love it when you lick/ suck, [body part],” or “You feel incredible, I want to make love to you all night long” and “You are an amazing lover.”
Experimenting With Praise Kink
It can take time to figure out which phrases turn you on and which switch you off, and whilst some like to be praised verbally, others feel that actions speak louder than words. A broad smile, a cheeky wink, or a reassuring squeeze of the arm can all be used as subtle ways to praise your other half. You could even mix it up by using a combination of the two e.g., an encouraging kiss on the cheek combined with the words “You’re doing so well, I’m so pleased,” can work wonders.
Boundaries and Limits
As with all BDSM-style play, you should discuss your boundaries and limits up front and always engage in SSC (safe, sane, consensual) play. You’ll need to talk about how this is going to play out for you before praise kink becomes part of the equation. A few things to think about:
What type of praise are you both comfortable with?
You can opt for verbal praise, non-verbal praise, or a mixture of the two.
Are there any phrases you would like to steer clear of?
E.g., some find “Good girl / boy” too condescending. Highlight any problematic phrases to prevent awkward moments.
Is praise kink just for sex and play or other occasions too?
Do you prefer praise kink to be kept in the bedroom or would you like to incorporate it into other areas of your life?
Where and when is kink praise acceptable?
Decide if kink praise should be kept within the confines of the home, or if you can indulge in it at other times too, e.g., shopping in the supermarket, at a restaurant, or out with friends.
Overt kink praise or clandestine compliments?
It’s not good sport to unwittingly involve vanilla people in your kink e.g., dishing out an over the knee spanking during the morning train commute wouldn’t be well-received by many of your fellow travellers! However, praise kink is easier to incorporate. Others are likely to smile and cast admiring glances if they hear you complimenting your partner – they won’t have a clue that your other half is sexually aroused by your compassionate comments.
Using Praise Kink To Boost Sex and Play
Praise kink, sex, and BDSM can be a heady combination and a great way to spice up your love life. Need a little inspiration? Here are some ideas to get those creative juices flowing…
1) Praise Kink and Sexual Play
Enhance foreplay and intercourse with flattering compliments. You don’t have to go straight to the bedroom, start the night with a fancy meal (don’t forget to tell your partner how gorgeous they look).
Once you’re ready for bedroom antics you can set the mood with lingerie and even sexy masks for a touch of mystery. Throw in sex toys to ramp things up, adding praise kink as you go, “I love it when you slide that glass dildo in and out of your pussy.”
2) Praise Kink and Impact
A good spanking works wonderfully well with praise kink. “That’s it, over my lap now, you’re such a compliant slave.” The flat of the palm slapping bare cheeks, “I love it when you take your punishment so well.” The thud of the paddle and the sting of the riding crop coupled with teasing words, “Look how well your beautiful round buttocks jiggle”, can elevate the whole experience.
3) Praise Kink and Bondage
Bondage and praise kink fit together exceptionally well. Restrain your lover and give them gentle encouragement as you bind their ankles and wrists with rope, “You’re such a pretty rope bunny, let’s suspend you so everyone can see.” Other restraints work well with praise kink too. Why not secure your submissive to the bed with cuffs, adding a blindfold and ball gag to ensure they stay put? Watch them squirm as you whisper in their ear, telling your partner how much you love it when they obey you and are at your mercy.
4) Praise Kink and Role Play
If praise kink seems nerve-racking you can take the edge off by combining it with role play. There are plenty of costumes and scenarios to choose from, and adopting another persona can help you to relax. Play out a classroom scene featuring a strict teacher and naughty student “You are so clever! Here’s a gold star,” or engage in medical play Doctor and patient style “Super, you’re doing so well, I’ll just lube my rectal thermometer.”
5) Praise Kink and Edge Play
If you’re feeling adventurous you can go a step further and combine praise kink with more extreme BDSM activities, such as age play e.g. “Be a good girl / boy for Daddy.” Humiliation play including forced feminization (encouraging a male submissive to dress as a female) invites an element of praise kink too, “Oh look how pretty Simon looks with his pink bow and frilly knickers, how cute.”
“To praise is an investment in happiness” – David Dunn
If you think you might have a penchant for praise kink you’re not alone, after all, there are plenty of BDSM fans in the world. Some crave pain, some relish pleasure and others prefer a heady mix of the two. Praise kink falls on the mild side of play, and you can both try it out wherever and whenever you’re comfortable.
It’s all about mutual pleasure, offering compliments will make your partner feel happy, which in turn will make you feel great. With praise kink you get the added bonus of arousal and a sexual buzz. So if you’re looking to invest in your happiness and boost your sex life, why not give praise kink a go?
Still not sure where to start with praise kink? Check out our pleasure empowerment workshop Intro to kink, to help you get acquainted with other worldly pleasures to unlock your sexual potential.