Praise is good for you in more ways than one, and you don’t have to take our word for it, it’s scientifically proven. Compliments induce pleasure, kickstarting dopamine production that leads to feelings of gratification. Praise can also harmonise and strengthen your relationship, helping you to build trust and feel more comfortable with one another. When someone strokes your ego and tells you how fabulous you are, you’re going to feel good about yourself. It’s little wonder that praise kink is so popular!

You might be surprised to learn that praise kink doesn’t just benefit the person receiving the plaudits, it’s also advantageous to the person dishing out the niceties. If you’re offering praise you’re providing pleasure, increasing happiness, and reinforcing desired behaviour. Your partner is more likely to dress up, have fun and get raunchy especially if they know how much you like it and that you make them feel good about what they’re doing.

Receiving compliments may feel a bit strange at first, but embracing positive affirmations can heighten happiness, so why not accept those wonderful words?

 

What is Praise Kink?

BDSM is typically linked to discipline, impact, and bondage, but there’s more to kink than the thwack of a riding crop across bare buttocks. Being bad is certainly fun, but being good can be just as thrilling, and it allows you to delve into the gratifying world of praise kink. If you love compliments, praise kink could be right up your alley. This particular kink involves deriving satisfaction from giving or receiving positive affirmations, glowing feedback, and praise during day-to-day life, play, and sex.

Praise Kink Vs Compliments

Compliments are always welcome, be it a commendation for your hard work, a nod to your new hairstyle, or a standing ovation for the fantastic blow job you’ve just provided. Approval fills us with joy, especially when it’s delivered by a special someone. For fans of praise kink, the sense of pride is joined by another feeling - sexual arousal. When it comes to praise kink, compliments not only provide gratification they’re also a massive turn-on.

Popular Praise Kink Phrases

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Positive reinforcement can be given in a variety of ways, if you’re new to the world of praise kink you might not be sure where to start. Thankfully, there are a couple of common phrases that work well for all occasions e.g. “You’re such a good girl / boy,” and “I’m so proud of you,” are encouraging on all levels. You can also tailor your phrases to fit the situation.

Praising behaviour

We’ve touched on telling your partner that they are a “good girl/boy.” This phrase works particularly well if you share a total power exchange (TPE) or Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship. Praising your submissive can bring you closer and reinforce your roles. Other ways to praise behaviour include “You really know just how to turn me on,” and “That's right, keep going, just like that."

Praising appearance

Delight and arouse your other half by highlighting their good points and assets. This is a good way to vanquish insecurities and build body confidence. Phrases such as “Bend over and show me your cute ass",” “Your ass looks amazing in those jeans,” and “Your lips are so kissable,” will make your partner feel like a million dollars.

Praising performance

Pleased with the way your partner is going about things? Tell them how well they’re doing by uttering phrases such as "You can really take a spanking, I like that," and “The sounds you make are so hot.” Praising their performance will motivate your partner to continue on the same path.

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Praising sexual prowess

When praise acts as a turn-on, accolades in the bedroom can take sex from run-of-the-mill to remarkable. Telling your partner how much you fancy them and want them will give them one hell of a boost. Try “I love it when you lick/ suck, [body part],” or “You feel incredible, I want to make love to you all night long” and “You are an amazing lover.”

Experimenting With Praise Kink

It can take time to figure out which phrases turn you on and which switch you off, and whilst some like to be praised verbally, others feel that actions speak louder than words. A broad smile, a cheeky wink, or a reassuring squeeze of the arm can all be used as subtle ways to praise your other half. You could even mix it up by using a combination of the two e.g., an encouraging kiss on the cheek combined with the words “You’re doing so well, I’m so pleased,” can work wonders.

Boundaries and Limits

As with all BDSM-style play, you should discuss your boundaries and limits up front and always engage in SSC (safe, sane, consensual) play. You’ll need to talk about how this is going to play out for you before praise kink becomes part of the equation. A few things to think about:

• What type of praise are you both comfortable with?
  You can opt for verbal praise, non-verbal praise, or a mixture of the two.

• Are there any phrases you would like to steer clear of?
  E.g., some find “Good girl / boy” too condescending. Highlight any problematic phrases to prevent awkward moments.

• Is praise kink just for sex and play or other occasions too?
  Do you prefer praise kink to be kept in the bedroom or would you like to incorporate it into other areas of your life?

• Where and when is kink praise acceptable?
  Decide if kink praise should be kept within the confines of the home, or if you can indulge in it at other times too, e.g., shopping in the supermarket, at a restaurant, or out with friends.

• Overt kink praise or clandestine compliments?
  It’s not good sport to unwittingly involve vanilla people in your kink e.g., dishing out an over the knee spanking during the morning train commute wouldn’t be well-received by many of your fellow travellers! However, praise kink is easier to incorporate. Others are likely to smile and cast admiring glances if they hear you complimenting your partner – they won’t have a clue that your other half is sexually aroused by your compassionate comments.

Using Praise Kink To Boost Sex and Play

Praise kink, sex, and BDSM can be a heady combination and a great way to spice up your love life. Need a little inspiration? Here are some ideas to get those creative juices flowing…

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1) Praise Kink and Sexual Play

Enhance foreplay and intercourse with flattering compliments. You don’t have to go straight to the bedroom, start the night with a fancy meal (don’t forget to tell your partner how gorgeous they look).

Once you’re ready for bedroom antics you can set the mood with lingerie and even sexy masks for a touch of mystery. Throw in sex toys to ramp things up, adding praise kink as you go, “I love it when you slide that glass dildo in and out of your pussy.”

2) Praise Kink and Impact

A good spanking works wonderfully well with praise kink. “That’s it, over my lap now, you’re such a compliant slave.” The flat of the palm slapping bare cheeks, “I love it when you take your punishment so well.” The thud of the paddle and the sting of the riding crop coupled with teasing words, “Look how well your beautiful round buttocks jiggle”, can elevate the whole experience.

3) Praise Kink and Bondage

Bondage and praise kink fit together exceptionally well. Restrain your lover and give them gentle encouragement as you bind their ankles and wrists with rope, “You’re such a pretty rope bunny, let’s suspend you so everyone can see.” Other restraints work well with praise kink too. Why not secure your submissive to the bed with cuffs, adding a blindfold and ball gag to ensure they stay put? Watch them squirm as you whisper in their ear, telling your partner how much you love it when they obey you and are at your mercy.

4) Praise Kink and Role Play

If praise kink seems nerve-racking you can take the edge off by combining it with role play. There are plenty of costumes and scenarios to choose from, and adopting another persona can help you to relax. Play out a classroom scene featuring a strict teacher and naughty student “You are so clever! Here’s a gold star,” or engage in medical play Doctor and patient style “Super, you’re doing so well, I’ll just lube my rectal thermometer.”

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5) Praise Kink and Edge Play

If you’re feeling adventurous you can go a step further and combine praise kink with more extreme BDSM activities, such as age play e.g. “Be a good girl / boy for Daddy.” Humiliation play including forced feminization (encouraging a male submissive to dress as a female) invites an element of praise kink too, “Oh look how pretty Simon looks with his pink bow and frilly knickers, how cute.”

“To praise is an investment in happiness” – David Dunn

If you think you might have a penchant for praise kink you’re not alone, after all, there are plenty of BDSM fans in the world. Some crave pain, some relish pleasure and others prefer a heady mix of the two. Praise kink falls on the mild side of play, and you can both try it out wherever and whenever you’re comfortable.

It’s all about mutual pleasure, offering compliments will make your partner feel happy, which in turn will make you feel great. With praise kink you get the added bonus of arousal and a sexual buzz. So if you’re looking to invest in your happiness and boost your sex life, why not give praise kink a go?

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Still not sure where to start with praise kink? Check out our pleasure empowerment workshop Intro to kink, to help you get acquainted with other worldly pleasures to unlock your sexual potential.

"What a day, Lydia!" Nicole chimed into my ear, raising one of the cups of my headphones while I buried myself in the changing room's locker. Without warning, my nose was instantly filled with her breath's warmness and signature floral perfume. 

I could tell she had finished eating popcorn, and I was sure the sweetness of the aftertaste still lingered on her tongue. I tried as much as possible to whisk her scent away by remaining stoic, but I could not help when the corners of my mouth folded into a smile. With no remorse, I turned to face her, and my heart began to flutter. 

"Why are your ears plugged after such a perfect set?" Nicole laughed, showing those perfect pearly whites that caught everyone's attention, especially mine, "I did not expect the team to tell me you were still here. You should be out celebrating."

I let my brain construct a perfect response as my eyes lingered on her outfit and body. I traced every curve on her and marvelled at the beautiful juxtaposition of hills and valleys. She was the object of my deepest thoughts on some rather lonely nights when I wanted to run my tongue through them. 

My feelings were not necessarily new to me. Heaven knew the feminine erotic art that hung on my bedroom wall during my late teens was not because I loved the artist, or so I had let my mother think, but because I was so intrigued by the very silhouette that is a woman's body. 

Nicole, the novel and younger assistant swim coach, was the stark aide-mémoire of those emotions I had repressed, and what drew me to her was how unabashed she was of her sexuality. "Pansexuality," or whatever she called it, was what she described as being attracted to people because they were people, and that was the new motto I had recently sworn to live by. If I were to get involved with a woman, I would want someone as fun and bold as she was to be my first. 

I initially had met her at a bar, and we even flirted a little before all hope was thrashed when the head coach introduced her as a temporary replacement for her assistant, who had just had a baby. Yet, we made sure to keep it light which I was sure would have no consequences. 

My lingering eyes finally caught hers, and I responded with as much suavity as I could muster. "Well, now that you're here, there's no reason to have them plugged. Besides, I'll celebrate when we win the tournament." 

"The whole school's super excited about it. Who would've thought you'd make the swim team a household name? You guys have never come this far before." She smiled as she drew me into a hug. 

Although a seemingly harmless act, I was only dressed in my swimsuit. We had shared hugs before but not with this much skin. Unfortunately, the barely-there swimming bra she wore and short shorts was too much of an invitation. She felt soft, and she felt warm. More so, it felt like she didn't want to let me go. 

"You flatter me, Nicole," I replied after a considerable time, breaking the hug.

"Who would've thought I'd be friends with a household name?" She excitedly chimed through what seemed to be hurt in her eyes. When it came to my relationship with her, I always threaded carefully. We were barely three years apart in age, but school rules were not meant to be broken. 

My mind began racing, so I quickly turned to face my locker and wondered why she might have been upset. Still, sadly nothing came to mind, so much so that in a few seconds, it had reached a point where my brain began to question if our relationship was not as platonic as it seemed. I swallowed. I needed her to say something. 

"Ugh, you're sticky. Why haven't you showered yet? Everyone has left." Her voice came through, crumbling all likelihoods in my head.

Whatever this situation was, it was precisely the problem. 

With Nicole and I, lines had never been crossed, yet, I hoped they eventually would.

"Have I told you the amusing story of why I don't shower till everyone leaves?" I said, salvaging the situation and keeping the air light. I could always make her laugh.

"Humor me! Because even the head coach seems fed up with you." she joked as she sat on the bench behind me. 

"Okay, if you insist," I chuckled as I grabbed my bathrobe, shielding away my nudity and removing whatever clothing I had on. We were somewhat close and knew how to get along, but I was grateful that whatever Nicole looked like underneath her clothes was only a figment of my imagination. 

I turned to look at her and winked. She looked like a goddess as she leaned back into the bench and fluffed her hair. Her ostensibly harmless act of getting comfortable pushed her breasts forward, and it was the most erotic thing I had seen. The gentle rise and fall of her chest did not help matters either. I swallowed. I started feeling hot, and all familiar moistness formed in my panties. I needed to lighten the air.

"So, thirteen-year-old me was the captain of my county's junior swim team." I croaked.

"That doesn't seem so bad." Her voice echoed. It was light, cheery, and indicative that she had not caught me drooling.  

"Mind you. It was a mixed team with mixed bathrooms." I garnered courage as I tightened my robe and turned back to her.

"Oh, God!" She snorted, melting my heart once again.

I signalled to her to pass the bag next to her so I could get my flip-flops and shower essentials. 

"It still baffles me because I have no idea why my conservative mother thought it would be a good idea to enrol her pride and joy in such an extracurricular program," I grinned.

"Church lady?" She giggled.

"No, just a very moral woman." I made a face. "Now, as you'd know by now, my very exploratory self decided to flaunt the rule that the guys should shower in the shared bathroom first."

"No! Lydia" She threw her head back in amusement.

"What was there in a penis I hadn't seen before? My eight-year-old brother had one." I smiled as her eyes lit up. 

"I was stealth." I dramatized, "I waited until the last guy was in the shower, and when no one was looking, I walked in."

"Tell me why, my virgin eyes see what looks nothing like my brother's penis but solid, red, and with veins?" I wailed.

"He was masturbating?" She said in between giggles. 

"I have no idea," I laughed as all my drama landed me right before her. It was so good to see Nicole happy. 

"I'm sorry you had to see that." She smiled, tugging on my robe and loosening it a bit. I assumed it was harmless, but I wanted to see what she would do next.

"You're a cool kid Lydia." She smiled as her fingers reached my thigh like a light breeze. I wasn't sure she didn't do it intentionally, but I was rattled. I was sure I would have begged her to push them much higher if she had moved them again. 

"A cool kid who needs a shower, " I said, moving ever slightly away from her. 

"Maybe I should come and watch you." Nicole winked, "You know, as payback for that poor kid."

"Maybe you should." I swallowed, hoping I wasn't taking things too far, "But I can assure you that my showers are nothing like those commercials." I recovered. 

"Oh, what are they like?" She coaxed. 

If the head coach walked in on this conversation, she would bench me for weeks. All sense left my head as my fingers stupidly now found their way to her body to tickle her. This newfound courage probably resulted from texting her too often and being invited to hang out with her outside practice. Her enticing laughter reverberated through the room, and I could not stop. I was getting in too deep. 

"Okay, okay, stop it." She finally spoke, catching her breath and pushing me away. Unfortunately, her efforts were futile as I was pretty close to her face and entrapped in her space. My eyes registered every wrinkle, every pimple, and the glitter she had in her soul. I was unsure whether I wanted to leave when she reached up and caressed my cheek. 

I quickly withdrew, embarrassed at my fright. I had no idea what that meant.

"You don't have to flinch whenever I touch you, Lydia." She shyly stated.

"I know, I'm sorry, but I swear it is not that. You said I was sticky." I laughed, trying to lighten the mood. 

"Okay. It's fine," Nicole smiled. 

"I'll be out in a few. Just give me a second," I begged.

Those few minutes in the shower were the longest of my life. 

All I could think of as I washed myself was Nicole. Her face was plastered in my imagination, and it was torture. I wanted her so badly but had to spare myself of all the longing. After all, things were only forbidden because society said they were but, if we started anything and she left the job in a few months, as she had hinted, no one would know… right?

I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I was alarmed when soft hands enveloped my waist. 

Startled, I turned. "Nicole, is that-"

Shutting me up, her soft lips enveloped and caressed mine slowly. It was gentle initially, but as soon as she began to invade my innermost corners with her tongue, I knew I was a goner. My hands were plastered to my body, and I could not move. I had no idea what prompted her to kiss me, but I liked it. More so, I liked that we could get in trouble for it.

“Nicole, we shouldn’t-“ I tried to say.

“Don’t overthink this, Lydia. You and I know we should’ve done this the first night we met,” She said between kisses. 

I nodded. I had lost this battle. 

I must have been dreaming because I had no idea how she started planting kisses on my neck and shoulders. When she grazed the back of my ear, I couldn't breathe. I wanted all of her, and I needed all of her. 

My hands finally regained life in them, and I cupped her face and replied to every kiss with as much enthusiasm as I could. It was her air I was breathing as the water dripped and washed all hesitation away. This moment was where I wanted to be.

"Are you okay with this? Should I continue?" Nicole asked as she stared into my disbelieving and questioning eyes. 

"Yes, yes, please," I replied. 

We were just getting started.

I had no idea how she would get home because she stood before me with soaked clothing, but I did not care. My hands traced the outline of her bra made of sturdy material, and quickly unhooking it, I watched the contraption fall to the floor. 

"You are so beautiful, Lydia," she whispered, admiring her oval areolas and nipples that glistened as the water bathed them. My hand reached lower to help her remove her shorts. 

"You're perfect," Nicole quickly replied, closing the gap and drowning me in her kisses. Reaching behind me to switch off the water, she kissed me again and bent to take my nipples into her mouth. Like a skilled lover, she paid ample attention to each globe, forming a pyramid of kisses between my mouth and breasts. Every suckle was followed by rolling my nipples on her tongue and biting down softly on them. 

I began to inhale deeper and deeper. I needed more, and I wanted more. 

"I need you against the wall. Make sure you grip the railings," Nicole whispered as she pushed me backward. 

Snaking one hand down my thighs, she instructed me to part my legs. I was entirely bare for her, and I knew we were now past the point of no return. 

She caught my eyes and ensured they followed her as she lowered herself to the front of my mound. I hadn't shaved in a while, but she seemed not to care. It was as though she wanted me in whatever form I came in. 

I could feel her hot breath on my entrance, waiting for her to make a move and amaze me, but she didn't. Instead, she brought each thumb to my pussy, pushed my legs apart, and opened my lips. My exposed clit was so sensitive, and she knew. 

With a smile, she began to blow hot, repetitive breaths, and I had no idea when a soft moan escaped from my lips. A sly smirk played on Nicole's face as she continued, ensuring she was staring into my eyes. I watched as she finally lifted her tongue and licked my entire stretched-out vulva with one swift stroke.

"Fuck”, I sighed, releasing every form of inhibition from me. I wanted Nicole to do it again. I needed Nicole to do it again. 

Like a mind reader, she flicked on my bean repeatedly, alternating between making circles and drawing it into her mouth as she pursed her lips to create a vacuum. She did it repetitively, following my moans and knowing exactly when to intensify her worship and when to allow me to beg her for more. 

When she was sure I could not take it any longer, she gave me one hard lick and pushed two fingers into me. I was surprised at how quickly my body latched onto her digits. Soon she found a rhythm I could sync to, and I felt myself bobbing up and down as she drilled my core gently. She felt so good inside me. 

Finally falling prey to her exquisite ministrations and getting to the edge of my orgasm, she flipped me around, pushed her fingers into me, opened my ass cheeks, and gave my asshole one firm hard lick. 

I crumbled right there and then as ecstatic explosions rippled through my head. 

I was floating.

I had no idea when Nicole got up from where she was, but I could feel her erect nipples against my back and her soft hands cupping my breast and gently kneading as though petting me as I came down from my high.

"This is just barely the beginning, Lydia.” She said, planting kisses on my back. 

I had nothing to say. 

 “You can't keep pretending to shy away from my touch when you were always practically begging for it," Nicole whispered.

"You knew," I said between heavy breaths as I began to regain myself. 

"I always knew." I heard her chuckle.

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