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Happy masturbation May! 

This May, we are celebrating one of the biggest acts of self-love; masturbation! There has been a positive global shift in the way people perceive masturbation, so much so that there’s a whole month dedicated to it! Specifically, the 28th of May. Masturbation improves sexual wellness and, releases stress. 

But have you ever heard of a Kegel ball? Aka, Ben wa balls, is a tool that can help women improve their bedroom experience and attain an out of this world level of sexual pleasure! So here are five tips and tricks to using Kegel Balls to enhance pleasure through stronger orgasms.

First off, if you’ve never seen Kegel balls, here they are:

They can look pretty daunting initially, but we got you! Once you’ve learned how to use them, it can strengthen your relationship with your partner.

What are Kegel balls?

Kegel balls or Ben wa balls, are two or three weighted balls commonly made out of medical grade silicone (although there are different balls made out of different types of materials). They are attached together through a pea-pod looking case and are made to be safely inserted into your vaginal opening. Kegel balls are commonly used to strengthen muscle tone in your pelvic and anal areas which in turn, improves your pelvic floor muscle strength. Some Kegel balls come with a vibrating function and some may not and can be used as a sex toy as well! 

As a woman’s body changes, through childbirth and ageing (which is completely normal FYI!) the vaginal muscles weaken, Kegel balls help to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which can help with incontinence issues. During penetrative intercourse, engaging or contracting the area can intensify the sensations for your partner.

Although normal Kegel exercises work, the Kegel balls can help you to engage and really focus on the area you’re working on. When used regularly, Kegel balls can help release sexual tension as well. 

How to use Kegel balls?

Firstly, remember to use lubrication, this will ease the process and make it less painful to insert the Kegel balls. If using a silicone material Kegel ball, do NOT use silicone lube, opt for a water-based lubricant instead. Kegel balls should not be left in for more than four hours. Kegel balls should not be used during pregnancy or while recovering from childbirth or with a tampon/menstrual cup.

Wash your hands with soap, apply your lube of choice on the Kegel balls and insert them up your vaginal opening. It’s as simple as that!

There are pelvic floor exercises available to do with the Kegel balls, but if you’re a busy woman, simply inserting them and going about your daily routine works as well. The Kegel balls work best when you focus on the sensations and actively engage your pelvic floor muscles. 

The sensation of Kegel balls varies from individual to individual, but they should not feel like they’re about to fall out or feel uncomfortable. There are some Kegel balls that are detachable so you can adjust to whatever feels good for you. 

To remove them, wash your hands again, apply more lube, and slowly and gently pull on the string attached to the end of the Kegel balls, and remove them. This is done best lying on your back. 

Tips and tricks to enhance foreplay

1. Take it slow 

Especially if it’s your first rodeo with them, don’t feel pressured to immediately use the heaviest option. Remember; your sexual experience is unique to you. So do what makes you feel comfortable. Gradually increase the weight of the balls overtime. Do them with Kegel exercises. Practice makes perfect! So don’t feel like you have to get it down to a tee on the first go.

2. Consistency is key

With our busy day to day lives, it’s easy to forget to do the exercises or use the balls. It is recommended to do 2-3 sets of exercises a day to start off, three times a week. Once you feel more confident and comfortable, you can increase reps, or add weights or time. Just like working out at the gym!

3. Masturbation magic  

Having the Kegel balls in may make you feel aroused. Don’t be shy, whip out your favourite toy and put it to work! This can intensify the sensation of the balls in your vagina and make you feel great. Using a curved shaped toy or a clitoral toy can help bring your orgasm to the next level. Keep in mind to avoid using silicone toys with a silicone material set of Kegel balls as silicone on silicone as it will deteriorate the material. 

4. Get your partner involved 

 

Some Kegel balls come with a remote controlled vibrator, hand your partner the remote and let them take the reins. This way, your partner knows they’re in for a good time later in the day and you’ll feel the impetus to work harder on your exercises. The feeling of anticipation will definitely turn the both of you on and you both know that you’re in for a good time in the bedroom later. Verbalise the sensations you feel and let them know that what they’re doing feels great. Adding sex toys into the bedroom for can always spice things up! 

5. Go for the long haul 

Ultimately, Kegel balls are an investment, so get some damn good ones. Kegel balls provide a great range of benefits besides sexual pleasure. Many people aren’t aware of the correlation of strong pelvic floor muscles and phenomenal sex! The sensations of contracting and relaxing during penetration can make a world of a difference during intercourse. Even a mere five minutes a day can do wonders. Hedonist tribe offers a great range and variety of different Kegel balls to suit your needs.

Kegel exercises work for many people, but not for everyone, and that’s okay. Kegel exercises may not benefit individuals with tight pelvic floor muscles. If you try to contract muscles that are already worked out and tired, they may not be able to respond to the exercises. Speak to a trusted health professional to find out more. 

Ultimately, the biggest sex organ in the body is your brain, so keep an open mind and get ready to experience the biggest revolution of your sex life, for the better. 

Need help working on your kegel muscles? Try our Gaia Kegel Balls (Wellness Set) or the Hedone Kegel Balls (Pleasure Set). It’s soft, body-safe silicone, so it is comfortable and easy to wear even for beginners. Designed with pleasure in mind, it provides rumbly vibrations and three progressive weights for toning to increase your level of inner fitness.

Looking at these bright pink kegel balls you may be wondering, “how can something so small make such a great impact to my health and sex wellness?”

This unassuming device may not seem much at first but what if I told you that it can strengthen your pelvic floor muscles and also increase its sensitivity and intensity for a better, more intense orgasm! Well, now  I’ve got your attention. 

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My enthralling experience attending Hedonist x Genvie's Pleasure Workshop earlier this year. "Jacqueline began by setting the tone, asserting that she wanted the workshop to be a safe space where everyone feels comfortable talking about sexuality and how it should be a judgement-free zone. Each participant’s table were littered with sex toys for us to touch and play with..."

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As we inch closer to 2022, we can’t help but want to take a peek at what the future holds for us. While we can’t predict what will happen next in life and love, what we can tell is what’s written in the stars for your sexy pleasure. Check out what Hedonist toy is perfect for your horoscope.

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He took my hand and cupped it right over his erection. “You made it, you’ll hide it Selena. My turn for payback…” his voice dropped sternly. I felt a chill and then slickness in my panties. I knew that tone of voice. I’ve fantasized about surrendering to a dominant presence and exploring BDSM together one day. Lucky me, looks like that day is here.

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I smiled demurely at him as I dropped my napkin under the table. “Oh let me get it– ” I cut him off in mid-sentence as I leaned over his lap. “I’ll get it babe.” My breasts deliberately grazed his groin as I pretended to search for it on the floor. I felt his legs tensed up – was that a twitch I saw under his pants?

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I pushed away first as I gasped for air. He seemed as enchanted as his emerald eyes focused on mine. “Maybe we should find a quieter place?”, I mused. He nodded furtively, “I know just the place..” and wrapped his arm around my waist. Uh oh, said my brain as we strolled towards the back of the warehouse. _Hell yes, _said the rest of my body. I took a sneaky glance at his tight pants again. The bulge was unmistakeable and I smiled quietly to myself. Looks like he felt the same way too…

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I bit my lower lip as I was trying to hold in my laugh when he smirked at me. There was something elusive about him that intrigued me. Was it his intoxicating cologne that seemed to envelope the space as he casually leaned right next to me? Or was it his green eyes that seemed to change hues in the flickering lights of the cargo lift as it took its slow descent? No no no, hold it together Selena, my inner voice whined at me. I felt another tingle though much lower than my belly this time slowly rising up. My cheeks felt flushed with the heat but so did my whole body. Yup, he’s definitely trouble. But then again, so was I. And I was starting to imagine the type of fun we could get up to tonight as I eyed his tight uniform pants and saw a faint outline of things to come….

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Why is a woman eager to participate in sexual relations with an established couple without expecting or wanting to be given equal rights in the relationship called a unicorn? Because, as conventional wisdom would have it, they don’t really exist. But browse any swinger or sex-positive dating app and you will come across a veritable blessing (I was going to go with herd but apparently the correct collective noun is ‘blessing’) of unicorns, usually advertising themselves as bisexual, heteroflexible or bi-curious, looking for the right couple to play with. 

The counterpart of a unicorn is a pegasus or a centaur, usually athletic and masculine bisexual or heteroflexible males who are into sexual play with MF (Male & Female) couples. They should be distinguished from a bull, who is generally a straight man who enjoys cuckolding willing husbands by having sex with their willing wives in front of them. They are usually considered to be as rare as unicorns - though actually they are not as rare as you may think. 

"The counterpart of a unicorn is a pegasus or a centaur, usually athletic and masculine bisexual or heteroflexible males who are into sexual play with MF (Male & Female) couples."

Most couples seem to want to start swinging with a nice, non-threatening unicorn. It makes sense, Many women are bi-curious and most men in the era of freely available porn have grown up watching MFF scene after MFF scene, and it sure does look like fun for the lucky guy! The reality of MFF is more nuanced and interesting than the rough sex/money-shot montages served up by mainstream porn, but it really is happy days for the guy. The presence of another Male in the bedroom is a little more threatening (MFF is an abbreviation for Male Female Female, and in this case means a threesome that involves a male and two females). 

Concerns about equipment size and performance in the presence of a confident stud are understandable, and it’s safe to assume the centaur is both confident and a stud, otherwise he would not be a centaur in the first place. But however open-minded he believes himself to be, the male half of the couple might have issues watching his beloved mounted and pleasured by a virtual stranger. It’s one thing talking about it, it’s another thing to watch it in the flesh. The male ego and all that is fragile. So approach this part with a lot of respect and empathy. 

As it always does when it comes to relationships and sexual exploration, it comes down to good communication. Just writing the words ‘good communication’ feels like a nosedive into cliché, but it is true. Talk over various aspects of the experience you want to have and keep talking until you are on the same page. You have got to be pretty solid to take this on. It won’t fix a damaged relationship and indeed the presence of others in an intimate setting may bring to the surface half-buried resentments or worries. It could delineating boundaries for each of you as individuals and both of you as a couple, therefore it is crucial an open and trusted communication from the beginning.

"However open-minded he believes himself to be, the male half of the couple might have issues watching his beloved mounted and pleasured by a virtual stranger...

As it always does when it comes to relationships and sexual exploration, it comes down to good communication... 

Talk over various aspects of the experience you want to have and keep talking until you are on the same page."

You have to get down to the nitty gritty. Condoms? Mandatory. Kissing – OK or not OK? And then we get to the interesting area of MM contact. The centaur has likely described himself as bi or heteroflexible but it’s unlikely to be a deal breaker if the male half of the couple is not ready for that now, or ever. 

Survey after survey indicates that while almost half of women have at least thought of a romantic/sexual relationship with a member of their own sex, basically straight men are more focused on heterosexual intercourse, and because there is a cultural link, albeit a false one, between heteronormativity and masculinity there may be more of a taboo about same-sex attraction between men. You’d be surprised at how much this taboo recedes if a man has a safe space to talk, and at how willing they may be to experiment with another man in an MMF scenario, perhaps because the presence of their female partner reassures them of their masculinity.

If it is agreed there’s to be no overt sexual contact between the men, it’s going to be an MFM and she will get their undivided attention. If there is sexual contact between the men, it’s an MMF (the two M’s next to each other is the clue) and, while she won’t get their undivided attention, she gets a front row seat to watch something she may have fantasised about for years. It might be the moment for to get that favourite sex toy out. Sit back and watch the show, and then join in, why not?

The woman would be well advised to take a back seat in the conversation if MM (Male & Male) action is on the agenda and the centaur and her partner, who may well be inexperienced in this area of sexuality, are hashing things out. Leave them to it. For example, the male partner might be interested to touch and play with another’s guy’s erect cock, but that’s the limit, or he might be up for receiving oral but not giving it. A calm, matter-of fact MM talk can set things up so there are no misunderstandings.

Women, especially, are brainwashed by our culture into thinking it's not hot unless they’re taken in the spontaneous moment by partners who somehow just know how to please them. In reality, winging it tends to lead to underwhelming sex, and especially so in group situations. Try to make the negotiation with each other and the centaur part a kind of extended foreplay. The objective is to make everyone comfortable, plan for the best sex possible, and build up the anticipation.

"Women, especially, are brainwashed by our culture into thinking it's not hot unless they’re taken in the spontaneous moment by partners who somehow just know how to please them.

Bear in mind that the centaur is not a gigolo. He’s doing this because he wants to, not because he is being paid, so treat him with the same level of respect you expect from him. It is not for the couple to dictate and pay no attention to what the centaur has to say. This should be an open forum to exchange ideas and discuss desires. All being well there should be plenty of common sexual ground you can explore together.

Meeting up beforehand is sensible, although not necessary if the online group chat has been really good. The woman is often present at this meeting (always in a public space, for obvious reasons) because if she doesn’t vibe with the man nothing is going to happen anyway. Nothing strange, though, if both of you are present for the first face-to-face. A bona fide centaur should have no problem meeting the male partner. If they do, don’t take it any further.

When it comes to swinging you are, in final analysis, either up for it or not. Don’t confuse a little hesitancy and some butterflies in the tummy as a sign to call it off (conversely, major misgivings and real tension are signs to call it off and rethink). Gather your courage and walk through the swinging door. If you’ve prepared yourself and your partner well, mentally and emotionally, your MMF/MFM will be a hot, fun, and amazingly bonding adventure.

- Mr Hedon

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If you’re looking to get tested for STDs in Singapore and wonder which clinics offer sexual health services that are safe, discreet and LGBTQ+ friendly or if you're finding for a STD kit that can be taken at home, here are our top 9 recommendations...

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