The Swinging Lifestyle - A Woman, A Man & A Centaur
Why is a woman eager to participate in sexual relations with an established couple without expecting or wanting to be given equal rights in the relationship called a unicorn? Because, as conventional wisdom would have it, they don’t really exist. But browse any swinger or sex-positive dating app and you will come across a veritable blessing (I was going to go with herd but apparently the correct collective noun is ‘blessing’) of unicorns, usually advertising themselves as bisexual, heteroflexible or bi-curious, looking for the right couple to play with.
The counterpart of a unicorn is a pegasus or a centaur, usually athletic and masculine bisexual or heteroflexible males who are into sexual play with MF (Male & Female) couples. They should be distinguished from a bull, who is generally a straight man who enjoys cuckolding willing husbands by having sex with their willing wives in front of them. They are usually considered to be as rare as unicorns - though actually they are not as rare as you may think.
"The counterpart of a unicorn is a pegasus or a centaur, usually athletic and masculine bisexual or heteroflexible males who are into sexual play with MF (Male & Female) couples."
Most couples seem to want to start swinging with a nice, non-threatening unicorn. It makes sense, Many women are bi-curious and most men in the era of freely available porn have grown up watching MFF scene after MFF scene, and it sure does look like fun for the lucky guy! The reality of MFF is more nuanced and interesting than the rough sex/money-shot montages served up by mainstream porn, but it really is happy days for the guy. The presence of another Male in the bedroom is a little more threatening (MFF is an abbreviation for Male Female Female, and in this case means a threesome that involves a male and two females).
Concerns about equipment size and performance in the presence of a confident stud are understandable, and it’s safe to assume the centaur is both confident and a stud, otherwise he would not be a centaur in the first place. But however open-minded he believes himself to be, the male half of the couple might have issues watching his beloved mounted and pleasured by a virtual stranger. It’s one thing talking about it, it’s another thing to watch it in the flesh. The male ego and all that is fragile. So approach this part with a lot of respect and empathy.
As it always does when it comes to relationships and sexual exploration, it comes down to good communication. Just writing the words ‘good communication’ feels like a nosedive into cliché, but it is true. Talk over various aspects of the experience you want to have and keep talking until you are on the same page. You have got to be pretty solid to take this on. It won’t fix a damaged relationship and indeed the presence of others in an intimate setting may bring to the surface half-buried resentments or worries. It could delineating boundaries for each of you as individuals and both of you as a couple, therefore it is crucial an open and trusted communication from the beginning.
"However open-minded he believes himself to be, the male half of the couple might have issues watching his beloved mounted and pleasured by a virtual stranger...
As it always does when it comes to relationships and sexual exploration, it comes down to good communication...
Talk over various aspects of the experience you want to have and keep talking until you are on the same page."
You have to get down to the nitty gritty. Condoms? Mandatory. Kissing – OK or not OK? And then we get to the interesting area of MM contact. The centaur has likely described himself as bi or heteroflexible but it’s unlikely to be a deal breaker if the male half of the couple is not ready for that now, or ever.
Survey after survey indicates that while almost half of women have at least thought of a romantic/sexual relationship with a member of their own sex, basically straight men are more focused on heterosexual intercourse, and because there is a cultural link, albeit a false one, between heteronormativity and masculinity there may be more of a taboo about same-sex attraction between men. You’d be surprised at how much this taboo recedes if a man has a safe space to talk, and at how willing they may be to experiment with another man in an MMF scenario, perhaps because the presence of their female partner reassures them of their masculinity.
If it is agreed there’s to be no overt sexual contact between the men, it’s going to be an MFM and she will get their undivided attention. If there is sexual contact between the men, it’s an MMF (the two M’s next to each other is the clue) and, while she won’t get their undivided attention, she gets a front row seat to watch something she may have fantasised about for years. It might be the moment for to get that favourite sex toy out. Sit back and watch the show, and then join in, why not?
The woman would be well advised to take a back seat in the conversation if MM (Male & Male) action is on the agenda and the centaur and her partner, who may well be inexperienced in this area of sexuality, are hashing things out. Leave them to it. For example, the male partner might be interested to touch and play with another’s guy’s erect cock, but that’s the limit, or he might be up for receiving oral but not giving it. A calm, matter-of fact MM talk can set things up so there are no misunderstandings.
Women, especially, are brainwashed by our culture into thinking it's not hot unless they’re taken in the spontaneous moment by partners who somehow just know how to please them. In reality, winging it tends to lead to underwhelming sex, and especially so in group situations. Try to make the negotiation with each other and the centaur part a kind of extended foreplay. The objective is to make everyone comfortable, plan for the best sex possible, and build up the anticipation.
"Women, especially, are brainwashed by our culture into thinking it's not hot unless they’re taken in the spontaneous moment by partners who somehow just know how to please them.
Bear in mind that the centaur is not a gigolo. He’s doing this because he wants to, not because he is being paid, so treat him with the same level of respect you expect from him. It is not for the couple to dictate and pay no attention to what the centaur has to say. This should be an open forum to exchange ideas and discuss desires. All being well there should be plenty of common sexual ground you can explore together.
Meeting up beforehand is sensible, although not necessary if the online group chat has been really good. The woman is often present at this meeting (always in a public space, for obvious reasons) because if she doesn’t vibe with the man nothing is going to happen anyway. Nothing strange, though, if both of you are present for the first face-to-face. A bona fide centaur should have no problem meeting the male partner. If they do, don’t take it any further.
When it comes to swinging you are, in final analysis, either up for it or not. Don’t confuse a little hesitancy and some butterflies in the tummy as a sign to call it off (conversely, major misgivings and real tension are signs to call it off and rethink). Gather your courage and walk through the swinging door. If you’ve prepared yourself and your partner well, mentally and emotionally, your MMF/MFM will be a hot, fun, and amazingly bonding adventure.
- Mr Hedon
