Sex Shouldn’t Hurt,  But for Many Women, It Does.

Sex is meant to feel good—yet for millions of women, including many in Singapore and across Asia, intimacy can feel painful, frustrating, or even impossible.

In cultures where sex is rarely discussed, many hesitate to seek help. Lacking the language to describe their pain or education on what’s normal in penetrative sex, they often endure it silently and with shame.

We ran a poll with our Telegram community on 25 September 2025, and found that 4 out of 5 women have experienced painful sex at some point. Of these, about 3 out of 5 said it was only in the past, while 1 out of 5 still experience it today. Among those who said yes, the top impacts were clear: ~66% shared it lowered their confidence, ~58% said it affected their mental health, and ~33% felt it impacted their relationship or marriage. Yet, when asked if they had sought help, more than half said no—most citing the lack of clear resources on what’s considered ‘normal’ when it comes to sexual pain.

For some, it’s fleeting discomfort; for others, it’s persistent, emotional, and deeply relationship altering. Whether you’re navigating postpartum, coming off the pill, or recovering from burnout, there’s always a way forward.

In this guide, our trusted specialist Dr. Jody from Hey Taylor, dedicated to women’s health and sexual wellness, brings a medical lens to help you understand the physiological causes of painful sex and when to seek professional care. We also explore how to improve communication and introduce intimacy tools that can support both healing and pleasure.

Quick Jump Links

Understanding Painful Sex Through Anatomy

Have you heard of dyspareunia—the medical term for painful sex? Dr Jody explains it’s often your body’s way of asking for attention. Pain can stem from physical, hormonal, or emotional factors, or even a mix of all three. In her practice, three issues come up most often among women in Singapore:

1. Medical Conditions

Vaginismus

Affecting 9 in 10 women in Singapore, most often aged 30 to 39. The vaginal muscles tighten involuntarily, making penetration painful or impossible—many describe it as “hitting a wall.” Triggers include trauma, past painful experiences, or cultural and religious shame. The encouraging part? With body-based therapy, breathwork, and gentle non-penetrative exploration, vaginismus is highly treatable.

Endometriosis

Causes sharp or deep pelvic pain during or after sex, often with painful periods or bowel discomfort. Symptoms can vary across the cycle, making diagnosis tricky. Many women are told “everything looks normal,” yet endometriosis often goes undetected for years. Persistent deep pain should never be ignored.

💡 Read on: We’ll share “Pain Mapping”, a tool that helps you pinpoint what you’re really feeling.

Infections

Yeast, BV (bacterial vaginosis), or STIs can inflame vaginal tissues and make sex painful. While treatment usually resolves symptoms, frequent recurrences may point to an underlying imbalance.

💡Note: Painful sex can also be a symptom of other underlying conditions, which is why a professional evaluation is so important.

2. Pelvic Floor Tension

When we think about pleasure, we usually picture the genitals or erogenous zones and the pelvic floor rarely is on top of mind. Yet this coordinated group of muscles, supporting your uterus, bladder, and rectum, plays a central role in sexual function. For intimacy to feel good, these muscles need to be strong, flexible, and responsive.

Image credit: Pelvic Health Professionals

Stress, trauma, childbirth, or years of unconscious clenching can create tension and pain. As Dr Jody explains:

“When these muscles are tight, overactive, or recovering from injury (say, after childbirth), they can cause deep, internal pain during sex.”

When the pelvic floor is imbalanced:

• Too tight = sharp pain or resistance at entry
• Too weak = dull aches, pressure, or lack of support
• Recovering from trauma or birth = pain that shows up unpredictably

Many women don’t connect their pain to the pelvic floor until it becomes a pattern. Dr Jody shares:

“They don’t realise their pelvic floor is involved until the pain shows up consistently—resistance at entry, pressure, or a deep ache that lingers after intimacy.”

Pelvic health isn’t just about Kegels—it’s about balance, release, and awareness. Relief can come from breathwork and relaxation training, or pelvic floor physiotherapy in Singapore, including internal release therapy. For practical steps, check out our guide on 4 Pelvic Floor Endurance Exercises for Better Sex.

3. Vaginal Dryness

While often linked to menopause, dryness can affect women at any age, making sex feel sore, tight, or burning. Dr Jody shares that some other reason include: 

Hormonal Changes

Shifts after childbirth, during breastfeeding, or with certain birth control pills can reduce natural lubrication. Menopause and perimenopause are also major contributors.

Medications

Some medications such as antihistamines, antidepressants, or hormonal birth control can interfere with vaginal moisture, increasing dryness and discomfort.

Stress

Stress, the silent killer of sex. It can suppress arousal and natural lubrication more than many people realise, even when you feel “wet enough.”

Quick Relief Tips: Lubrication and Comfort

For painful sex caused by vaginal dryness or friction, relief can start with a good-quality lubricant. For longer-term support, vaginal moisturisers help with hydration, while local oestrogen therapy may be recommended if hormones are the root cause. Since not all lubes are created equal, here’s how to find the right one for your body.

3 Different Types of Lubes & When to Use Them

1. Water-based lube 

Gentle, safe with toys and condoms, ideal for sensitive skin.

2. Hybrid-based lube

Longer-lasting than water-based, often blended with aloe or silicone for extra hydration.

3. Silicone-based lube

Ultra-slick and long-lasting, perfect for deep penetration or anal play. (Not safe with silicone toys.)

Which Lube Is Right for You?

• For friction or discomfort during penetration: Opt for silicone-based. It’s extra slick and long-lasting, perfect for minimizing resistance.
  
  
• For toy use or daily vaginal dryness support: Stick to water-based. It’s safe for internal use and won’t degrade toy materials.
  
  
• For perimenopause or postpartum dryness: Hybrid lubes with aloe or soothing botanicals provide hydration and glide.

Check ingredients: If you’re prone to yeast infections, avoid glycerin and parabens. Trusted brands like Sliquid use gentle, organic formulas and are even considered safe during pregnancy (always confirm with your doctor).

💡 Pro tip: Use more than you think. Apply generously to yourself, your partner, or your toy, and reapply as needed. Adequate lubrication not only boosts comfort but also helps prevent micro-tears, which can increase the risk of irritation and infection.

Pain Map: What Are You Feeling

Not all painful sex feels the same, and where you feel it matters. As Dr Jody explains: “When patients tell me about painful sex, I always ask them to describe where the pain is and when it happens. Discomfort at the entrance of the vagina can mean something very different from deep pain during penetration. This ‘pain map’ helps us figure out whether the cause is muscular tension, hormonal changes, or an underlying condition — and that’s the first step towards getting the right support.”

Here’s a simple chart to help you identify your pain types: 

3 Mind-Body Practices for Pain-Free Intimacy

Overcoming painful sex involves both medical support and self-connection. These practices can help you rediscover comfort, trust, and pleasure.

1. Gentle Movement

Targeted stretches like pigeon and butterfly open the hips and thighs, while pelvic tilts activate the deep core. Child’s pose with belly breathing relaxes the pelvic floor and eases stored stress, helping the body feel safe and receptive again.

2. Breath Is Medicine

Deep diaphragmatic breathing softens the pelvic floor and activates the parasympathetic nervous system—the body’s natural state of safety and calm. Inhale through the nose, exhale slowly, and consciously release pelvic tension. Just a few minutes daily can retrain the body to relax during intimacy.

3. Reconnecting Through Self-Exploration

Negative or painful experiences can sometimes create disconnection from the body. Soft, mindful self-touch—starting with your arms, belly, or thighs—helps rebuild trust, comfort, and awareness. When you feel ready, you can explore mindful masturbation, beginning with external vulva touch supported by breath, lube, and presence. 

Many women also find that introducing toys for vulva owners makes this journey easier, adding curiosity, safety, and playful rediscovery of pleasure. For more inspiration, explore our Guide to Clitoral Stimulation, where we dive into techniques and tools designed to enhance intimacy.

Communication Is Key: Talking About Pain During Sex

One of the trickiest parts of painful sex is talking about it. Many women stay quiet because of shame, guilt, or fear of disappointing their partner. But as Dr Jody explains, silence often makes things worse. Speaking your truth not only eases the pain, it can also deepen trust and intimacy. 

Dr Jody encourages couples to start these conversations outside the bedroom, framing it as “this is something we can work on together” rather than “your fault” or “my problem.” That small shift makes the issue feel like a shared challenge, building closeness and making it easier to explore solutions — whether that’s medical checks, lifestyle changes, or therapy, without shame. So, how do you bring it up without killing the mood? Try these simple approaches:

Tips for Speaking Up:

• Choose the right moment: Bring it up outside the bedroom, when both of you are calm, relaxed, and open to listening—not in the middle of intimacy.
• Use “I” statements: Say “I feel discomfort when…” rather than “You’re hurting me.” This keeps the focus on your experience without assigning blame.
• Be specific but gentle: Describe where or how pain shows up, and balance it by sharing what feels good. This gives your partner a clearer sense of how to support you.
• Invite collaboration: Position it as something you can work on together. For example, “I’d love for us to find ways to make sex feel more comfortable and enjoyable for me.”
• Normalise seeking help: Remind your partner that painful sex is common and nothing to be ashamed of. Seeking guidance from a doctor, pelvic physiotherapist, or sex coach can strengthen both your intimacy and your confidence.

When to Seek Help

A little discomfort once in a while can happen, but if pain keeps showing up, that’s your body waving a red flag. It might be time to check in with a doctor if you notice:

• Pain every time you have sex
• Burning, sharp, or deep pelvic pain
• Bleeding during or after intimacy
• Unusual changes in discharge or odour
• Avoiding sex because you’re scared it will hurt

As Dr Jody puts it, “Pain is never just part of being a woman. Speaking up and seeking help is how you protect not only your health, but also your confidence, pleasure, and relationships”.

Whether it’s dryness, pelvic floor tension, endometriosis, or even unprocessed trauma, there’s always a path to relief.

With the right support, intimacy can feel safe, connected, and deeply pleasurable again. If you’re wondering where to begin, you can explore trusted sexual health clinics in Singapore to find care that fits your needs. 

And remember—you deserve sex that feels good, on your terms. Always.

Author & Disclaimer

Written by Jacqueline Kee, certified sex and intimacy educator at Hedonist Tribe. This article is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult a licensed healthcare provider for diagnosis or treatment, and refer to the relevant clinic’s official website for the most up-to-date information on services, rates, and opening hours.

Featured Partner:

Hey Taylor Clinic is a boutique, female-led practice in Singapore dedicated to women’s health and sexual wellness. Based in the CBD’s SBF Medical Suites, the clinic offers discreet, specialised care in fertility, contraception, menopause, and sexual health. With modern conveniences like telehealth consultations and an innovative mobile app, Hey Taylor provides personalised care in a central yet private setting. Ideal for women seeking trusted support with a touch of ease and discretion.

✨ Follow Hey Taylor on Instagram for updates on upcoming events, or book your appointment through their website today!