Let us begin with a Squirting FAQ
Q. Isn’t squirting just losing control of your bladder?
A. All the anecdotal evidence tells us that squirting is not peeing. There is an issue relating to control because the sensation just before squirting is akin to the moment before you pee, and the socially ingrained instinct is to control rather than let go. Some women eventually convince themselves they are incapable of squirting when they are really being stymied by a little mental block, not a physical block. Incontinence is associated with a weak pelvic floor whereas women who squirt tend to have strong pelvic floors and good bladder control. A paper published in The Journal of Sexual Research way back in 1981 concluded that: “[Female] ejaculators were found to have significantly stronger pubococcygeal muscle contractions and significantly stronger uterine contractions than non‐ejaculators.” The pubococcygeal muscle is the one we strengthen by doing Kegel exercises.
On the evidence provided, the liquid comes from the bladder. After all, there isn’t any other structure in the vicinity able to hold that much fluid or propel it with such force.
Singaporean Chinese, 27: “I was ecstatic when I first discovered I could squirt after watching porn actresses do it, and I can squirt purely by clitoral stimulation, not just via my G-spot. The G-spot orgasms are more intense, though. I would say the feeling is more intense than a non-squirting orgasm, but this just my experience. It may be different for other women. Once the first squirt happens it gets so much easier, and I can keep squirting continuously for a long time. It’s much easier for me to squirt when I am riding, too. I think most guys appreciate it. I like that it helps my partner/s know they’re doing something right. Hopefully they feel a sense of accomplishment when they make me squirt!”
Q. Where does the liquid come from, if it’s not pee?
Some researchers point to the Skene glands as a potential source, but the mechanisms are still mysterious. Skene glands, also called periurethral glands because they are located around the opening of the urethra, seem to be the female homologue of the male prostate, although their precise function is unknown. What may happen is that the Skene glands, which can hold about 50ml of liquid, produce fluid during sexual arousal which drains into the bladder via two ducts. However it happens, fluid builds up in the bladder during sex. There are two other glands in the neighbourhood: pea sized organs called Bartholin glands, located quite low down on either side of the opening of the vagina. They secrete mucus to provide lubrication and, as far as we know, play no role in squirting.
It may be that some as yet unobserved process is taking place, partially filing the bladder during sex with fluid that will be expelled close to orgasm. Scientific papers on the subject are packed with hedging language: ‘appears to be’, ‘seems to be’; ‘the evidence suggests’,etc. The dearth of serious research into this aspect of female sexuality is striking.
Filipino, 45: “Squirting for the first time was kind of unbelievable because I was in my early 40s and it had never happened before. It was after maybe 45 minutes of being aroused and with two fingers in my pussy, curling up to rub against the front of my vagina. I tried not to let it go because it felt like I wanted to pee but, finally, with his encouragement, I stopped trying to control it. After the first squirt I was able to squirt repeatedly while being fucked. I would ask him to pull out for a few moments so I could squirt. It was like a little fountain sometimes that lasted several seconds. It felt different from my ‘normal’ orgasms and I loved it. I was surprised to find out the liquid tastes quite sweet.”
Q. Is squirting discreet from the orgasm itself?
Female ejaculation and squirting are different phenomena. Going on the anecdotal evidence, squirting happens anything from 30 seconds to a couple of seconds before orgasm. During the orgasm, a small amount of whitish ejaculate sometimes dribbles out from the Skene glands. This ejaculate is biochemically comparable to some components of male semen, containing a prostate-specific antigen. According to a four-year study of several hundred women aged 18-39 and published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2017, 54 percent of participants reported ejaculating like this at least once, while 14 percent ejaculated all or most of the time. Because only a small amount of this fluid is produced many women may ejaculate during orgasm without being aware of doing so.
Indonesian, 25: “I squirted for the first time about four years ago, after I was licked and fingered for about half an hour. A feeling of wanting to pee came on suddenly as I felt myself getting close to orgasm. He kept going, and it happened. I actually apologised for making a mess, but he was so happy. I’ll squirt quite forcefully several times before I cum – several cupfuls – and then I can have two or three orgasms in succession if my clit is rubbed in the right way. I would definitely like to try this while using a vibrator. Once I am in the zone I can squirt when I am riding from on top and when I’m being well fucked doggy style, but not in other positions.”
Q. How much is too much?
It’s common to see squirting for the first time while watching pornography (according to Pornhub, women are 44 percent more likely than men to search for squirting videos) and this can skew perceptions, as the actresses are selected specifically for their spectacular squirts. Some of them, like Cytherea, make entire careers out of it. Watching geysers being sprayed half way across a room might begin to make the viewer feel a little inadequate but of course what you see in porn is an extreme version of reality. The amount of liquid expelled varies from 100ml up to nearly a litre, either in a single go or in a series of squirts. Porno squirters are at the very upper end of that scale.
Singaporean Malay, 30: “I squirted for the first time with my second girlfriend. I must have been 19 or 20. There was a lot of clit arousal and she was fingering me for maybe 30 minutes. I was really shocked when I squirted, but in the lesbian world it’s apparently common. I did feel like I wanted to pee just before, but it definitely wasn’t pee. You have to ‘trust’ that you’re not peeing. I squirt almost at the same time as I orgasm, and for me, squirting makes the orgasm better. If you want to squirt, find someone who knows how to find your G-spot and is happy to do a lot of foreplay centring around the clitoris. You can also use a clit-sucking sex toy while they finger you. I use a Satisfyer Pro 2, but there are other good ones [e.g Kiss Toy Polly+]. It took me three years to tell my friends I do it because I was ashamed. Then my straight friend told me it’s glorified in the porn world and admitted she’d been trying to do it for years. I do know that when guys find out I squirt, they go crazy! Lol.
Q. How do I squirt?
Take your time… The G-zone Some women can be ready to squirt quite rapidly, but they are in the minority. For most, the arousal needs to steadily build for anything for 30-60 minutes. The more aroused you are the better, so allow plenty of time. When you are ready, get your partner to insert two fingers about 5cm deep and move them in a repetitive beckoning gesture, curling the digits up and back to rub and massage the front wall of the vagina. Let them know when they have found the right area (your G-spot) and instruct them on pressure and rhythm. The G-spot is not so much a spot as a ‘zone’ where the maze of nerve endings underlying the clitoris is at its most dense.
Getting help from sex toys A good option if you are playing solo is a sex toy curved to press against the G-zone, with the added benefit of vibration. Partner or no partner, deploying a vibrator at this stage should accelerate and intensify the process. A vibrator can help get you to the point of no return, though it’s perfectly possible to squirt without using a toy.
Stimulating the A-spot
Try asking for the fingers to be pushed in as deeply as possible, about 9cm, so that the tips of the fingers curl up to stimulate the A-spot, otherwise known as the anterior fornix erogenous zone. It’s located quite close to your cervix. To intensify the feeling some women may press down on their abdomen as the fingers press upwards from inside. Unlike the G-zone, which tends to have a slightly more textured surface than the rest of the vaginal canal, the A-spot is, if anything, slightly softer and smoother. It’s an area of sensitive tissue that lubricates when touched and stimulated, so rubbing this area will likely result in making you wetter. Most women prefer the A-spot to be massaged quite gently, at least at the beginning, so don’t be too rough. A long, curved sex toy is a great way to get to reach the A-spot if a large pair of fingers is not available.
Just as the G-zone lies at the centre of the deeper structures of the clitoris, so the A-spot, or A-zone, lies underneath the top end of the clitoral structure. Only a little bit of this structure is visible; the rest is subcutaneous, and it is these invisible parts of the clit that are being stimulated when the G-zone and A-spot are rubbed. Thoroughly exciting these deep clitoral structures makes squirting possible. Only a few women can squirt just by playing with the visible part of the clitoris.
Full bladder feeling as orgasm approaches
Women who squirt almost all report a feeling of being about to pee as orgasm approaches. What they have learned is that this is a precursor to squirting, not peeing, and they allow their muscles to relax and ‘let go’. Advanced practitioners let go and then actively push the liquid out by contracting their pelvic floor. Some women like their partner to speed up the G-zone massage or finger fuck them quite rapidly and vigorously at this point. As they begin to squirt, some women want the fingers withdrawn to allow liquid to flow out more freely while others prefer the fingers to keep massaging their G-zone throughout.
Squirting during intercourse
Once the floodgates open, further squirts should come more easily, and some women want to be fucked at this stage, climaxing and squirting for an extended period of time. The consensus is that riding a cock or a strap-on from on top is the best position for squirting. Many also like to squirt while being taken from behind. Really deep penetration from behind may be popular because the A-zone can be stimulated, and this does seem to encourage squirting. A smaller number can squirt in the missionary position, too.
British Indian, 37: “It finally happened just recently. It was during a sexual encounter with two guys and my female friend (I only recently began to explore group play). It was during the second round, after a rest and a drink, that one of the men began to skilfully rub my clitoris and finger my pussy, which was still wet from the first bout, and then went down on me. The excitement of this happening while being watched was so intense I was trembling. Eventually, I begged him to take me from behind. Having his massive cock (I am BBC fan) thrusting deep seemed to set me off. I’d already had two orgasms when my friend, who is his girlfriend actually, drew closer to encourage and nuzzle me. Suddenly I let go three or four squirts and 30 seconds later had a third orgasm, after which I felt completely spent and satisfied. So I was very aroused before I squirted, and had been aroused for hours. I had no sensation of wanting to pee and no control over when it happened, though I am very pleased it did!
Q. What if squirting proves elusive?
As pleasurable and fun as squirting is, it’s not the Holy Grail of sex. Earth shaking orgasms can be had without it. Squirting is sometimes presented these days as a necessary part of being sexually liberated, and women can feel unnecessary pressure because of it.
What used to be a cause of embarrassment and moral disapproval (it’s only seven years since the UK film censors banned any depiction of squirting!) is almost a badge of honour these days. Young women seeking partners on Tinder are no longer shy about putting ‘squirter’ on their profile. If you don’t squirt, don’t worry about it. It often doesn’t happen the first or second or third time you try. Keep experimenting, and if it turns out you aren’t a squirter remember, it doesn’t detract from your desirability or connote a lower level of sexual response. Vive la difference!
By Mr. Hedone