“Someone’s not getting enough sex.” A common joke made by people who have noticed that someone might be snappier or more irritable, or maybe just peeling the labels off their drink bottle. Jokes aside, is there any credence to the joke?
But have you heard of skin hunger? Or skin starvation? What’s the difference between the two? Do you need a hug? Or do you need some sexual healing? We aim to answer all these sexual wellness questions today.
WHAT IS SEXUAL FRUSTRATION?
Although there isn’t a medical definition for sexual frustration yet, it can be best described as a feeling of disproportion between what you’re receiving sexually versus what you’re getting. A feeling of your sexual energy being pent up.
Sexual frustration is expressed differently in everyone. Some people show it through rage and annoyance, some through depression and anxiety.
Sexual frustration can occur within anybody. Whether you’re single, coupled up for 1 month or 10 years, it can happen to anybody.
Some of the most common ways sexual frustration manifests itself is through,
- Increased irritability and agitation
- Increased consumption of pornography or any similar media
- Frequent conversations with your partner or friends about sex
- Finding yourself fantasising a lot more about sex
The list could go on and on, but you probably get it. If you’ve noticed these traits exhibited in your partner or even in yourself, here are some ways to acknowledge sexual frustration and how to manage it.
WHAT CAUSES SEXUAL FRUSTRATION?
This might be the single most common cause of sexual frustration. Research found that only 44% of opposite sex couples and a mere 25% of same sex couples talk about sex at least once a week. But we don’t just mean verbal communication, physical contact can be a part of communication as well.
Society has made great progress in terms of having productive and healthy conversations about sex with positive sex culture championing our times. But it's important to recognise that there’s still work to be done.
By having healthy conversations about sex we allow ourselves and others to break free of social stigmas. This encourages a productive cycle of self-worth and confidence in individuals who then become more empowered and liberated of their pleasure choices.
With a sense of openness, one is able to allow for a more satisfying and fulfilling sex life without the attachment of shame or judgement.
Recently made a big career switch? Lived through a global pandemic? Your work load piling up? All these are contributing factors towards sexual frustration.
Worry and stress can vastly and directly affect your mood not only within your environment but also how you would feel sensually about yourself when its time to get naughty. With all that "head-clutter", you devoid yourself of true satisfaction or allowance to decompress and relax.
Learn how to manage your stress better through mindfulness, journaling or even seeking help with a licensed health professional. The first step is by acknowledging the areas you may need help on and slowly working your way through it. Know that some of your daily stressor may take time to resolve but it is necessary to overcome as problems may manifest in other area of your life if left unsolved.
Trauma & Medical Circumstances
Factors such as childbirth or antidepressants may affect your libido. Your sex drive may be dampened due to many different medical or psychological circumstances.
This is a very sensitive topic to touch on, and we would like to advocate that if you have experienced any form of trauma, we encourage you to seek a trusted and licensed health professional to help you manage your symptoms. Always know that you are worthy and deserving of the sex you want.
“I should be having more sex.”, “Why doesn’t it look like the movies when we make love?” and similar statements may be contributing to your sexual frustration. When we feel the weight of expectations on us, our pleasure and sexual arousal is hindered as we try to change the way we experience sex to fit in the mould. Sex should be an experience unique to you, and should not be dictated by what should and shouldn’t be.
WHAT IS SKIN HUNGER?
As we have all lived through the global pandemic of Covid-19, it has changed the way we live. Everyone's a little more cautious when it comes to physical contact. That is where skin hunger derives from.
To put it simply, skin hunger is a condition that occurs when you haven’t felt physical touch from another party in a long time. This physical touch may not necessarily be sexual. The craving for physical touch is present, but due to various circumstances, you are unable to.
Touch is actually quintessential to human existence. Something as simple as a high-five is one of the examples we bond through touch. Humans are largely social beings, touch fulfils the need for comfort, security & satisfaction from physical contact.
Physical contact can help to lower cortisol levels, which is the stress inducing hormone, which can lead to a plethora of health conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure among a few.
HOW DO YOU MANAGE SKIN HUNGER?
Basic interaction! Any form of social interaction, be it video call or in person, can help to ease the feeling of skin hunger. If you have pets, you can have a nice cuddle with them and that can also help to manage your stress.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO ALLEVIATE SEXUAL FRUSTRATION?
Improving Your External Environment
A change in your external environment may help with sexual frustration. Are you frustrated that you keep missing out on that big promotion at work? What about the last time you checked your bank balance before you swiped your card? Or maybe your parents live right down the hall from your bedroom? All these little stressors living in the back of your mind can be contributing factors to why you may be experiencing sexual frustration.
Our advice? Find ways to destress! Book a staycation just for you and your boo. (No kids, no in-laws) Manage your finances, do you really need another handbag, as pretty as it is? Find ways to manage your stress, and watch your sexual frustration disappear.
Improving Your Well-Being
Channelling more focus into your health. Irregular sleep schedules? Eating nothing but junk? All these can lead to a feeling of sluggishness, this drains your energy and affects your sex drive. There’s a high chance if you’re always feeling tired and drained, the last thing on your mind would be sex!
Better sex has been scientifically linked to better health, according to a study done by The Journal of Sexual Medicine, high exercise is associated with a higher sexual function score. Go out and get a workout done with your partner!
A healthy diet is linked to a healthy immune system, and with a plethora of health benefits, having good food in your system definitely plays a part in keeping your stamina up in the bedroom.
Have A Good Ole Solo-Play Session
There are both physical and emotional ways to help with sexual frustration. One thing you can do is gently masturbate and build up a routine. Hedonist has a range of amazing toys to help you reach your big “O”!
The Kiss toy Polly is one of Hedonist’s big hits, it is a clit sucking and vibrating toy. The suction function comes with 3 modes of intensity and even a self warming feature, the clitoral orgasms that you may experience from this toy are truly, indescribable.
The vibrating function of this toy comes with 10 different vibrations, it’s as simple as a single click to toggle between each vibe. All you have to do is double click the power button to switch between suction and vibrating. There’s a reason this toy is one of Hedonist’s best sellers.
For the gents, we didn’t forgert about you of course! The Tenga Flip Zero Gravity comes in both black and white to meet whatever needs you have!
The black features a more snug fit that is ribbed with more grooves and texture. The white, is a more softer inner material for a more comfortable fit.
Whatever tickles your fancy, you can make the choice!
Masturbation helps you explore your body, and learn more about what you like and don’t like. Masturbation can also be empowering and give you body autonomy.
You can also try various other methods such as exercise, speaking with a licensed sex and relationship therapist or communicate with your partner.
So, to sum it up, sexual frustration and skin hunger are two very different conditions. We hope that through this article, you are able to distinguish between the two, and understand how it is you can manage your symptoms!