Although dildos have been around since prehistory and the famed Hitachi Magic Wand buzzed into life more than half a century ago, some men are still hesitant about introducing sex toys into lovemaking.
They worry their vibrationless member will be supplanted by an indefatigable piledriver capable of producing orgasms he himself cannot coax out of his partner. The imposing Magic Wand is 30cm long, tipped with a rubber head capable of vibrating 100 times per second and today there are sex toys of every conceivable shape and function, made of sensuous silicone and more lifelike than ever, with a myriad of vibration cycles.
A man raised in a more traditional household may have difficulty navigating a sexual landscape characterised, at least in affluent and developed societies, by ever increasing female empowerment and autonomy. In this context, sex toys, which in the eyes of traditionalists epitomise the female autonomy that so unsettles them, are viewed in a dim light.
Any man would be well advised to bear in mind the primary directive: keep your partner happy. If your partner wants a sex toy, buy her one. If she wants two, get two. However, grappling with male performance anxiety in the face of outsized dildos and vibrators is more complex, especially if it is exacerbated by a sexually repressive upbringing.
If a man worries about becoming more or less irrelevant to the female orgasm, then, however silly it may be, his partner should try to reassure. Toys are not a replacement for intimacy, nor any kind of judgement on his virility or desirability; they are a tool that that can open the door to more erotic, fulfilling sex for both of you.
A good way to lead him towards the promised land is to fully integrate toys into sex. My own partner is a big fan of the Polly and sometimes reaches for a Lana del Wand. At a certain point in proceedings I will mount her while a toy is working on her at the same time. If she is on her back using the Polly I will hook her legs back or put a pillow under her so I can thrust in without knocking the toy out of position. The Polly must be precisely placed because it vibrates and sucks on the clitoris, and it is something of a feat to stroke in and out nudging it off the target area. You need to find the right angle. Rear entry is easier than missionary in this regard. Standard vibrators, requiring less precise placement, are easier to use during penetration.
Another way for a woman to ease the concerns of her man is to use a toy on him. The human cock responds very well to the stimulation of a vibrator pressed to the glans and frenulum, or wherever else an individual happens to like best. So, why not?
Lana Del Wand
If you have ever been in the swinging scene you’ll know that sex toys are part of the deal,especially if there are more F than M in the play. This writer once saw a half a dozen toys lined up ready to buzz into action before an MMFFFF play session. If anything, it took the pressure off, and anyway I’m not sure I understand the man who doesn’t enjoy watching women getting off using sex toys on each other.
Easing concerns means being aware of them in the first place, and the impetus behind this article is to point out that reticence about sex toys is still a thing for some men. Use the toys together, don’t use them every time, don’t rely on them to get aroused in the first place, and integrate them into your sexual practice so that the man is a participant. In this way you can steer a hesitant man to a place where he views the purchase of a toy as an investment in his own sexual satisfaction, not just yours.