Over the years of running a sex toy shop and hosting sex-ed workshops to lubricate conversations around pleasure, we’ve heard a lot of questions. And trust us, some sex toy myths refuse to die.
Will vibrators desensitize me?
Are sex toys actually safe?
Will my partner feel replaced?
So, we’re here to clear the air with a little Sex Toy 101 — making more room for better intimacy, connection and pleasure, with our partners and ourselves. Here are 5 of the most common sex toy myths we hear IRL, what’s actually true, and what you can officially stop stressing about.
Myth #1: Sex Toys Aren’t Safe to Use
The truth: Sex toys can be safe when you choose the right materials and use them properly.
Look for toys made from body-safe, non-porous materials such as body-safe silicone, stainless steel, glass or ABS plastic. Non-porous materials are easier to clean and less likely to harbour bacteria when cared for correctly.
Always check the product instructions before use, clean your toys properly after each session and store them somewhere clean and dry.
For penetrative toys, adding a good lubricant can also reduce friction and make play much more comfortable. When in doubt about lube compatibility, water-based lube is generally the easiest option to pair with most toys.
Bottom line: Your sex toy should be designed with your body in mind. Materials, cleaning and proper use matter.
Myth #2: Vibrators Will Desensitize You
The truth: Vibrators do not permanently desensitize your genitals.
This is probably one of the sex toy myths we hear the most. If you use a powerful vibrator on the same spot for an extended period, you may experience temporary numbness or reduced sensitivity. Think of it as feeling a little “buzzed out” after a particularly enthusiastic session. That sensation is typically temporary.
If things start feeling numb, give your body a break. You can also lower the intensity, change the vibration pattern or explore a different area rather than keeping maximum power on exactly the same spot.
And remember: higher intensity isn’t always necessary. Different genital areas respond differently to vibration and pressure, so varying the intensity and location can change how stimulation feels.
Try this: Instead of going straight to the highest setting, start low and gradually build. Switch between the clitoris, labia, inner thighs or other erogenous zones and give your body time to respond.
Myth #3: Using a Sex Toy Means Your Partner Isn’t Enough
The truth: A sex toy can add to partnered pleasure—not replace your partner.
A vibrator can't flirt with you, kiss you, communicate with you or make you laugh halfway through sex. Sex toys are pleasure tools, not competition.
For couples, introducing toys can create opportunities to explore new sensations together and talk more openly about what feels good. A vibrator can provide clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex, a vibrating ring can add sensation for both partners, or a toy can simply become something new to explore together.
If your partner feels intimidated by the idea, don't dismiss the feeling. Ask what’s behind it. Sometimes the hesitation isn't really about the toy. It may come from vulnerability, comparison or a fear that they somehow aren't “enough.”
Rather than presenting a toy as something that's missing from your sex life, frame it as something you can discover together. Pleasure doesn't have to be either your partner or a toy. You can have both.
Exploring together? Read our guide to introducing sex toys into your relationship for tips on bringing toys into couple play without the awkwardness.
Myth #4: Sex Toys Are Mainly for Women
The truth: Sex toys aren’t gender-specific. They’re designed around different types of stimulation and anatomy.
While vibrators are often marketed towards women, they can also be used to stimulate the penis, scrotum, nipples and other external areas. Other toys are designed for specific types of stimulation, including cock rings, strokers, prostate massagers, anal toys, dildos and suction toys.
So rather than shopping purely by “sex toys for penis-owners” or “sex toys for vulva-owners,” it can be more useful to think about what part of the body you want to stimulate and what sensation you’re looking for — vibration, pressure, suction, stroking or penetration.
Just make sure you’re using each toy as intended. For anal play, choose toys specifically designed for anal use, with a flared base or retrieval feature to prevent them from slipping fully inside.
Want the basics before you begin? Read our Beginner’s Guide to Safe Anal Play for tips on prep, lube, hygiene and choosing the right toy.
Bottom line: Choose your toy based on anatomy, sensation and safe use — not just the gender on the packaging.
Myth #5: Sex Toys Are Only for People Who Can’t Orgasm
The truth: Sex toys aren’t a last resort — people use them for many different reasons.
Some people use toys because they make orgasm easier, while others use them simply to add different types of stimulation to solo or partnered sex. Sex toys can also be useful for people experiencing certain sexual-function concerns.
And there’s no single “right” way to orgasm. Some people need very specific types of stimulation — including vibration — while others don’t. What works can also vary depending on the person and situation.
At Hedonist, we often say: If you don’t know what works for you, how can you expect someone else to?
Solo exploration can help you identify preferences such as where you like stimulation, how much pressure you prefer, and what speed feels good. Knowing those preferences can also make it easier to communicate what you enjoy with a partner.
Bottom line: You don’t need to struggle with orgasm to use a sex toy. It can simply be another tool for exploring what feels good.
So, Should You Use a Sex Toy?
Only if you want to.
There’s no “right” number of toys to own, no rule saying couples need them, and definitely no requirement to use one to have a fulfilling sex life.
But if you’re curious, sex toys can be a fun way to explore your body, discover new sensations and understand what actually feels good — solo or with a partner.
Not sure which toy to start with? Take our Sex Toy Quiz and we’ll help match you with toys based on the sensations, features and type of play you’re looking for.
You deserve to know what feels good. So get curious, explore more, and go claim your pleasure.
