Ask A Sexpert: How Do I Find The P-Spot?
“Hi! I'm a 27 (F) and I have heard alot about a male's clitoral-equivalent, his prostate! My husband and I have been researching and trying to find his prostate but we can't seem to find it. I've tried putting a condom on my finger with extra lube on it and inserting it into his anus to try to find his prostate, but it just cant seem to work!
I heard that it is just a finger knuckle away from his anus and trust me, i've tried to use the round-the-clock method but still no prostate present in sight (or in feel).
I understood that males get tons of pleasure from having their prostate massaged and I'm dying to try to get him to finish that way.
Can anybody shed some guidance or whoever that have experiences before, share some thoughts on this? Thanks! Can't wait to hear some ass-ceptional views on this! This is ass-xhilarating!”
Got a burning question about pleasure or spicing things up in your relationship? You’ve come to the right place! I’m Jacqueline Kee, co-founder and resident sexpert at Hedonist, here to tackle all your curiosities about intimacy, passion, and everything in between. Got more questions? Don’t be shy—fill up this form (anonymously), and let’s get you some answers!💕
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Hi love! First of all—bravo to both you and your husband for being curious, playful, and open to exploring new forms of pleasure together. That kind of curiosity is the best foundation for deepening intimacy 💛
You’re absolutely right: the prostate is often referred to as the “male G-spot” because of its potential for intense pleasure when stimulated. And yes—it’s located roughly 2–3 inches (~a finger knuckle away inside the anus), toward the front wall (the belly-button side). That said, every body can differ slightly, and it can take some exploration to find and feel it.
But to help you go deeper, here are some tips to keep in mind:
🧠 1. Mindset First—Relaxation is Key
The anus and pelvic floor are full of nerve endings and tension. If your husband is even slightly nervous or tense, his muscles might clench, making the prostate harder to access. Try giving him a massage, using breathwork, or starting with external anal play before insertion.
💡 Pro tip: Gentle stimulation of the perineum—the area between the scrotum and anus—can be a great warm-up. It activates the same nerve network around the prostate and increases blood flow, helping the P-spot become more responsive and easier to locate later.
source: futuremethod & Cleveland Clinic
👆🏼2. Use Your Finger Like a Hook, Not a Dart
Once inserted, curl your finger slightly toward his belly button in a “come here” motion. The prostate can feel like a small, round bump or walnut, sometimes a bit firmer than surrounding tissue. It’s not always immediately obvious so go slow but with a steadied rhythm and repetition.
Fun Fact: The prostate becomes slightly engorged with blood when aroused (just like other erectile tissues). This makes it:
Easier to Find After Arousal
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Arousal causes the prostate to swell slightly, making it firmer and more detectable.
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The surrounding area becomes more sensitive, so light pressure feels good, not uncomfortable.
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The anal muscles relax, making it easier for fingers or toys to reach the right angle with less resistance.
✨ 3. Try a Toy Designed for P-Spot Play (“Wake” That Spot Up!)
Why prostate toys make all the difference:
Curved or vibrating P-Spot toys are designed to hit the spot more effectively than fingers. Vibration boosts blood flow, wakes up nerve endings, and heightens sensitivity—making orgasms stronger, even without direct penile stimulation.
Fun fact: The prostate is packed with nerves and sits near erectile tissue, so when aroused, it gets easier to find and more pleasurable to play with.
For toy recommendations, check out these two pleasure tools that can help you hit the right spot—literally:
1. Ziggy Stroking Vibrator With Remote: Perfect for beginners, this toy features a slightly curved tip that mimics a light “scratching” sensation—subtle but oh-so-effective for awakening the prostate.
2. Landys Stroking Prostate Massager: Designed to go deeper, this ergonomic massager delivers blended orgasms with external perineal stimulation and targeted P-spot pleasure. Great for those craving more intensity and control. Don’t just take our word for it, check out this review about it!
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🧴 4. Lube. Lube. More Lube.
It’s great that you’re already using lube, but don’t hold back—friction isn’t your friend here. Silicone-based lube lasts longer and is ideal for anal play.
✨ Quick tip: If you’re using silicone toys (like a butt plug), go for a hybrid lubricant instead, as pure silicone lube can degrade the material over time.
For a safe and beginner-friendly guide to butt play, check out our full blog before you dive in.
⏰ 5. Take Your Time & Let Go of the Finish Line
Not everyone orgasms through prostate stimulation, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t just to “make him finish,” but to explore what feels good. He might feel the urge to pee (totally normal), or experience waves of warmth, tingling, or pressure.
Exploring prostate pleasure isn’t just about discovering new sensations—it’s about building trust, deepening intimacy, and expanding your shared pleasure map together. Whether it’s a finger, a toy, or just a curious conversation, what matters most is the connection you’re nurturing along the way. Here’s to more “ah-ha” moments… with your ass-ploration! 😉