You certainly understand the stability and a sense of security in a long-term relationship. Those are paramount, but when you are too familiar with someone as well as what they do, the relationship might become less sparky. As a result, how to reignite the spark in a long-term relationship has become a frequent topic of discussion.
1. ADD AN ELEMENT OF SURPRISE
A sense of security and stability in a long-term relationship can directly lead to certainty which is the No. 1 human need, according to Tony Robbins. This is the foundation of sustainable romance.
However, the second most important human need is uncertainty, i.e., when variety and challenges are present, a relationship stays interesting. Therefore, injecting some uncertainty into a relationship is so key. For example, once in a while, you would be well-advised to travel with your partner so that you can always have new experiences together. Of course, you may surprise each other in a good way regularly, e.g., hosting a surprise birthday party, giving each other funky gifts, etc.
Clearly, when certainty and uncertainty are combined, a relationship is best characterised by intense attraction, so the Chemistry surely has a capital C.
2. NEVER STOP DATING YOUR PARTNER
Oftentimes when a couple has been together for a long time, they get used to their boring routine, so it's always good to spice things up again to relive the original emotional state of when they "fell in love". Ideally, a switched-on couple never stops dating each other: They schedule a date night every week; they learn something new about each other frequently and never putting in the effort.
A romantic date night could include:
1) Plan a date night surprise, check out a new restaurant - put all phones aside and really be present to ensure the time spent together is extra special
2) Book a couple's massage together - don't just stop here either, a relaxed body and mind could be further enhanced with a nourishing sweet treat after. This activity pairs well with a date night surprise after
3) Take a cooking class together - pick a cuisine you're not very familiar with or make something from scratch to make things more fun
4) Do something adventurous together like biking, hiking and enjoy a beautiful sunrise or sunset together
5) Take a pottery class together and channel your inner Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore moment
6) Plan a weekend staycation - for those married with kids, don't forget to hire a nanny or babysitter for your little getaway to unwind and spend quality time with your partner
7) Order pizza in to Netflix and chill - because let's face it, the week has been hectic enough and we could all use a little break from cooking...
3. KEEP THE IMAGINATION ALIVE
Desire is always fuel by imagination. Why don’t you add role-play to your relationship? You and your partner might go to a bar together and pretend to meet each other for the first time. Research shows that role-play keeps things in a long-term relationship exciting and helps you stay faithful.
Another idea is to read erotica together. In this way, both of you enjoy and explore the same reading material & can discuss your understanding and insights in the bedroom. Obviously, the erotic book gives you extra imagination when you are making love to your partner. No wonder intimacy only gets better and better. Remember: your brain is the biggest sexual organ.
4. HAVE FUN (GIVE ADULT TOYS A TRY)
You can’t say you hate eggplant if you’ve never tried eggplant before. Similarly, you also can’t say you dislike a particular adult toy if you’ve never tried it before!
Here is my philosophy: Whenever there is something interesting or new to try / an unexpected opportunity / an unusual invitation, my answer doesn’t have to be yes or no every single time; in fact, sometimes my answer could be “why not?”
For example, when I accidentally discovered willy rings in the supermarket many years ago, I actually bought one. And I can confirm that I still remember the extremely memorable sensation caused by the willy ring during lovemaking. It was indeed 100% unforgettable.
As a grown-up with our busy lives and hectic schedules - kids, work, other "adulting" responsibilities, it is easy to forget to have fun! There are many ways couples can PLAY, bond and enjoy the company of each other. You could engage in a new hobby together, have some good laughs in the process and who knows, it may even lead to sexual arousal for both with the serotonin release. Arousal-generating activities can include excising together, doing something adrenalin producing, heart pumping, like even watching a scary movie together!
Another creative way is to introduce adult toys to your long-term relationship. In doing so, you bring fresh input, novel ideas and phenomenal results to your bedroom. As adult toys intensify the excitement, you check your ego at the door – you fully surrender to the explosive pleasure during intercourse – that feels like falling into the infinite galaxy.
You may think the spark is gone but there are many ways to reignite the spark. All you need to do is give it a try and allow love to take it's course.
Jade Seashell is a columnist and erotica writer. When she is not working at jadeseashell.com, she is experimenting with various ideas regarding hedonism.